"Wait...are you serious?"

Spence started having headaches back in February-ish. He missed a few days of school and my parents got worried so they took him to the ER. The drs figured it was bad allergies/headaches, so they gave him some allergy meds and a painkiller (ibuprofen). That seemed to help for a month or so, but then the headaches came back. As Jess and I were pulling in to the driveway on our way back from our whirlwind Disneyland trip, mom was pulling out with Spence, headed back to the ER. That time they gave Spence Imitrex and a couple referrals to pedo neurologists to have a scan done (just to rule anything major out). The Imitrex seemed to do the trick (he hadn’t experienced headaches since he started that med), but my mom still (thankfully) called the pedo neuro places to get him in for the scan. One place was booked until June, but my mom felt like she should get him in sooner (for piece of mind, I think…even though he hadn’t been experiencing the headaches) so she called the second place and got an appointment for May 9^th. Nobody was really concerned (again, headaches GONE), and on the Wednesday of the appointment I’d honestly let it slip my mind that he even had the scan that afternoon. Usually I head straight to the gym from work but for whatever reason that day I hung around at home (just being lazy). Mom and Spence came in and Mom told us that the Dr was going to wait to read the results of the scan in the morning and that he’d call with whatever he did/didn’t see then (Spence said they seemed really nonchalant and unconcerned). We were all happy with that and started chatting about…some insignificant thing. Not 15min later, Dad walked in with Matt from basketball practice and we didn’t really pay much attention, but then dad looked at all of us (mom, jess and myself) and asked if Spence was around. We called Spence into the living room and dad delivered the WORST NEWS OF MY LIFE:

Dad to Spence: the Dr. read the results of your scan and saw a spot on there that he is very concerned with. He wants me to take you in to the emergency room at St. Rose, but I told him that they weren’t going to accomplish much tonight, so we’d wait to take you in the morning.”

I lost my breath, my mom’s face went from blank to horror-stricken in record time, Jess called Celeste, dad started to contact Clayt and I texted Bill. A couple of minutes later I got up, went in my room and lost it. I honestly couldn’t tell you exactly how/what my thoughts were, but I definitely know the recurrent theme involved me being distraught over the fact that I could not fix it, whatever “it” was. Since the baby kids were very, very little, I’ve tried to do whatever I could, become whatever I could and act however necessary in order to shield/protect/prevent them from experiencing any of the ugly things that life can throw at you (hurt, embarrassment, disappointment, insecurity, etc). But this…I couldn’t help with…and it’s such a horrible, horrible feeling. I know that dealing with this as a sibling has been unbearable. I honestly don’t know how my parents are dealing with it…but let me tell you, I would not wish this –or anything close to –on my worst enemy.

After about a 30min. hiatus, I figured I’d “get back out there,” and thought it might be fun to go see a movie (Spence had mentioned earlier in the week that he wanted to see The Avengers whenever I was “able and willing” to take him), so me and the sisters and Spence headed to the movies. It was such a nice distraction (for me, anyhow), but when the movie ended…it was back to reality.

When I pulled up into the driveway, there was a bouquet of flowers and a big party bag of goodies for everyone and the perfect card from my bestest friend Seriza and her mom B…

thanks B and ris!

After going through the bag, we sat on the green couch and chatted for a bit. Here’s a pic of Spence…I’d give anything to know what was going thru his head here…whatever it was (worry, concern, whatever), he had a brave face on the entire night. He’s. freaking. amazing.

Thursday was rough. Mom and Dad took Spence to the hospital early that morning and Spence was scheduled for a looooong MRI later in the morning/afternoon. Jess and I tried to tie up some loose ends on the mother’s day thing we were making for my mom. We started thumbing through boxes and boxes of old photos, naturally pausing to oooh and awwwe at all of the old photos of Spence...

cutie!!!

seriously?!

oh and Matty too :D 

sweet baby!!! :(

It was really hard to focus…we’d stop and think and chat and cry and think and chat and think…but had to eventually get up and start being productive.

I prepped an overnight bag for Dad and Spence and tried to gather some things I thought he’d enjoy during his stay (loaded the ipad with games, movies, music, etc). Once Matty was done with school, we headed up to the hospital with food for the parents and Spence (he wasn’t allowed to eat before his scan).

proof that I was in my own living-hell.

When Matty and I got to Sunrise hospital, mom and dad informed us that Spence was STILL in the scan and that we should just head up to his room to wait (since parents were the only ones allowed back in the area they were in). When we walked into the room, I saw a pamphlet and some papers on the desk next to my mom's jacket, so I thumbed through it.

Spence's tumor had blocked the CSF flow, therefore there was significant fluid built-up in his brain (hydrocephalus) that needed to be drained/corrected.

The Oncologist

(Celeste and I are fighting for/over him...no we don't know

if he's single/straight/interested, but we're fighting

none-the-less)

The brain surgeon

(that's pretty Bad-A.)

While we waited, Matty corrected the dry erase board

Matty also finished off both his AND spence's slurpees

(it was melting...)

Spence's MRI was supposed to be 4 hours long. “Typically,” they’re 45min-1hr long, and the patient is USUALLY sedated. POOR SPENCE had to endure a 6 HOUR MRI...if you aren't familiar with this procedure, it was explained to me as having to lay PERFECTLY still in a narrow tube that makes loud noises --similar to that of a metal trash can being beaten with a metal bat-- over and over and over, with NO sedation :(. 

This was him after the MRI.

Worse for the wear, no?

At that time Spence had completely lost his appetite, but we still tried to get him to come up with something we could grab for him...

Also. Hospital food is NO JOKE!

(WTF?!)

After a minute, the nurse came in and hooked him up to NEO 

(the drip machine thing), and had him lay in bed.

Matty explaining his dry-erase board "enhancements"

Matty kissing Spence goodnight

before he and mom headed out...

(visiting hours were from 8am-8pm and you have to be

18yrs or older to come earlier/stay later)

All night long, I kept pestering Spence with ANYTHING I could come up with that he might want to eat. Finally, my friend Seriza (who, unfortunately, had experienced this EXACT thing 8 months ago with her pops, Stevo) text-suggested a soft pretzel and frozen yogurt. FINALLY, Spence agreed to that, so Seriza brought that out to the hospital (the frozen yogurt was in a cooler surrounded by Dry Ice...how rad, no?) along with some gatorades and magazines (she's persistent and very handy to have around sometimes...).

Dad took the night shift that Thursday night, and here they are enjoying American Idol:

Jess and Celeste came a little later (when they were both off of work) with some fun things and the book that we had been putting together for my mom. Here's Jess reading the book to Spence :)

One of Spence's little hook-up deals made his left index finger glow. 

Kiiiiinda like.......

:D

We moved rooms and I added an 11 to the pain scale

Jess reading some more

her hair is awesome

Spence looks like a baby clark kent in those glasses

Us girls said goodnight

(dad was nodding off, so we put in a movie --Captain America-- 

for the kid and headed out)

 Friday was also really rough. I had work at Anthem and thought I'd be totally fine. Spence was scheduled to have a surgery that afternoon (to drain the fluid and *hopefully* grab a piece of the tumor --located at the base of his brain stem--) so I figured I'd work, grab matt and head to the hospital that evening. I wasn't sure if I should say anything at work (I don't do well with pity) or what I should say...but when I walked in, my assistant gave me a giant hug and kept repeating how sorry she was...?


My thoughts, "So...they know! Great!..? How did they know?! Meh, whatever. Now I don't have to bawl while I'm trying to explain what little we know...."


THEN, after setting my things down in my Op and looking over the day, Dr. TWN comes back and gives me the most GIANT bear hug and starts saying all the right things/asking all the right questions and...I explode. I just criiiiiiied. Mind you, I had 15 min before I had to seat my 1st patient...awesome : |  I pulled myself together, Dr and my asst decided I shouldn't be there so they called in a sub and I only had to put on a brave face until 11.


At 11, I called mom, figured out where everyone was (Clayt and Jen were driving down, Clayt needed to be picked up at the airport around 7 because he was taking a bus in from St. George since Jen was staying to attend her niece's dance recital on Saturday) and then headed over to Greenspun (Matty had text me that he didn't want to be at school...so I went and rescued him). We found out that Spence was supposed to be taken down and prepped for surgery around 2pm, so we headed over there so we could spend as much time as possible before they wheeled him back.


When we got to the hospital (1:30ish) they weren't in the room. I called mom and she told me he was already going to be prepped for surgery and that we had only a few minutes before he was heading back. We rushed through the halls of the bloody hospital and finally found them...

When I arrived, he was in this little cubby with the anesthesiologist and a nurse...

Poor guy...

The anesthesiologist

(I forget his name but had him

researched by my doctor-spy)

The nurse-man

nurse man: "what are you here for?

spence: ah...brain surgery...

Comforting.

Mom pinky swearing to spence that she'd

have her mess taken care of after spence

goes through with all of his fun.

saying "later" to the kid right before they

wheeled him back into surgery

mom's turn.

Celeste made it JUST in time to see him before he was wheeled back, but Bill and dad missed him by barely a minute... :(

7407. The numbers we kept our eyes on on the operating-room

update-list (told us what was going on and when throughout the 

procedure. Not NEARLY specific enough for me but...whatev)

Cute little bus-doors near the pedo elevators

Waiting during the surgery was awful!!!

Bishop Perry came and visited...

Bishop Cox did as well

FINALLY!

The She-surgeon!

She told us that she had rerouted the CSF flow (so 

that Spence wouldn't have to have a shunt placed

to drain brain fluid down through his stomach. She 

said that everyone she's ever done this on has NEVER

needed the shunt done, which was reassuring) and was

able to grab a piece of the tumor large enough to send

to her lab to biopsy (thus accomplishing everything she

set off to do during the surgery, without a hitch!)

After the surgery, spence was in Recovery for about 45 minutes

and only two people were allowed back there so mom and 

dad went and all of us kids left and grabbed some things from

the room and then headed out to get some dinner

(none of us ate much leading up to the procedure...

or over the course of the weekend, really) and bring 

food back for mom and dad (Spence had to be on a 

clear liquid diet for the duration of the evening).

Apparently, when mom and dad walked in to the Recovery room, Spence was still a bit out of it, but when mom went in front of him and said, "Hey Spence, how are you feeling?" Spence slowly opened his eyes, looked at my mom and said, "Who are you...?" Dad said mom almost fainted...then Spence busted up laughing and mom realized he was joking. HILARIOUS to hear about, probably not funny at all to mom tho! :P (Tuttle humor...whateryagonna do?)

matty aka pauly d aka ...tool.

 After Recovery was ICU. Spence was swollen and warm (he had a heated blanket on and said the warmth felt really good). I'm always freezing, so I grabbed his hand and tried to steal some of his warmth/cool him off...

Bill and Matt went and got Clayt and when they got there, we had to take turns coming and going from the ICU (only 2-3 people are supposed to be back there at once) 

We were all there until around 8-ish, and then I took Matty and Jess home and we did some cleaning and chatting. Clayt and Bill got home a while later and Clayt and I stayed up until almost 4am chatting, telling jokes and crying so hard (from laughing) which was a nice mood-break.

Saturday morning I woke up around 7 and mom called a little bit later to ask if I was headed out there. I told her I wasn't, but asked her to have Spence pick a flavor of Jamba Juice so I could pick that up before I headed out...she asked if I was with Jess, and I went and looked for Jess...but later found out that she was already on her way with a Jamba Juice :) (great minds....). It's nice having sisters.


I had an appointment and crap to do that morning and figured (since there was that stupid 2-3 people limit in the ICU) I'd let Clayt and Bill get some quality time in. While they were up there with Spence (and mom and dad), Celeste, Jess and I went and ran errands. Spence's friends Bryan and Troy visited him (with $25 worth of AMAZINGNESS from the 99 cent store) for a few hours that afternoon, which I think is so awesome...


On our way back up to the hospital, us girls picked up some Montesano's pizza/knots/cookies and some activities to do up at the hospital.


When we arrived (with tons of food), we walked in behind...

SOME REAL LIFE PLIGS :D

The guy leaned around the lady and asked, "which room do we go to," which

Jess mistaked for a marriage proposal ("you never know with those guys...") and

was really quite friendly on the elevator ride up!

After we ate (and forced spence to choke down some knots/ranch), the boys headed out and us girls stayed to bug on spence. I remember learning a great deal about bed sores in CNA school, so I figured spence should have his limbs massaged. We also got him to go on a walk around the ICU floor with us (and made him use his limp-left hand to open all of our doors--don't worry, there were automatic handicapped door buttons all over...I'm not THAT awful!)

(I'm holding his brain-pee bag and the tube

from his head was clamped closed, but kept in

just in case his headaches came back...in which

case we would know the CSF reroute didn't 

work and that he'd need a shunt...but that wasn't

the case!) :)

Jess and I took the liberty of showing Spence the parent-lounge on the floor (where all of the fountain drinks come from and where we'd stay if someone complained that there were too many of us in the icu room at one time). When we walked in to the room, Spence's eyes got big and then he stumbled/nearly fell....and then busted up laughing :| He thought it'd be funny to fake faint......I thought it'd be funny to play jump rope with his brain tube...but I didn't...

Mom stayed with him that night and on our way out of the hospital, Celeste turned and saw this photo on the wall:

and her deadpan/straight faced response to it

(as if it could hear her) was:

"oh go kill yourselves"

I think...I peed myself I laughed so hard!!!

comforting.

Poor guy was soooooo sleepy 

Wicked scar

some of his goodies from the 99 cent store

DELICIOUS goodies from the Paez family 

Sunday: Mother's Day. Celeste headed out to the hospital to watch the LA Galaxy soccer match with Spence. Jess and I went to Costco to pick up some stuff so we could prep and celebrate at the hospital. After we returned home with all of our goods, Clayt and Jen came and helped us get everything to Sunrise.

When we arrived, everyone was pretty wiped out, mom had headed

home to shower/change and rest a bit, and we all settled on celebrating

around 4pm that afternoon. (here's Jen intensely playing some

logo-identifying game on the ipad)

Tired guy

Jess and Matty sleepin'

Oh, a pic of the balloons/teddy bear Clayt and

I picked up at the gift shop on Saturday

We FINALLY got mom one of those bears she's been 

loving at Costco!

Soooooo soft! :)

Mom got back and we celebrated! 

(Cane's chicken/goodies, pasta salad, pineapple, tuxedo cake, berry salad)

Mom and her bear :)

We actually wrote mom a book for mother's day!

We each wrote down _#_ (our age) reasons we 

love her/appreciate her/are happy she's our mom,

put some pic in it and had it bound :)

It's still not all the way done

(needs a few more pics)

but it turned out pretty cute! 

The little bear is a beanie-baby TY brand

bear that came with the name Boris, so mom

named the big bear Natasha (apparently

from Rocky and Bullwinkle)

kissy cheeks

Sisters, Natasha and Spence

Brothers and Boris

the whole fam-damily.

spence warming me up again

(while we watched a Sister-wives marathon)

I stayed late Sunday night (so we could do our night time routine--go on a walk, use bathroom, plug him back in to his bajillion machines, wash his face, brush his teeth, etc), then headed out to grab a few things at the green walmart and head home (work in the morning). 

Monday I worked all day, but just about everyone else was able to be there at the "family meeting" Dr. Esparza had. Dr. Schmitt okay'ed his brain-drain to come out so the PA Allie took that out and placed 6 stitches earlier in the morning (the drain was exiting out of the center of his right temple). 

Dr. Esparza had the results back from the path lab (we were told it would take a week to get those back) and informed us that the tumor is a Germinoma. These tumors respond/are incredibly susceptible to radiation tx. He discussed some of the ins and outs of the tumor and informed us of who the radiological oncologist would be, and when we would meet with him. He also said that since Spence was doing so well, he'd probably get to go home on Tuesday! :)

Loved this.

Matty to Spence: Have you ever wondered how long it takes for a giraffe to throw up?

....?

Answer: "About 23 second times the multitude of radius plus circumferent pi r squared plus 5."

....mhm!

Glad they have meaningful, intelligent text-conversations.

This was monday night

He hated me...but he'll love me later.

Dr. CLT also had a tray made and gave Spence an RX for GELKAM drops

so we can prevent as much damage to the teeth during treatment as possible! :D

oh, just my dad working the ipad. NBD.

Jess and sleeping beauty :)

Throughout Spence's stay at the hospital, I really grew to love and appreciate the art of nursing and how amazing good nurses are. They can make SUCH a difference! Spence had a couple of awesome nurses and and it meant a lot to everyone...

Lisa (7am-7pm ped-icu gal)

she even switched her shift so she could

be with him on Monday too when they 

wheeled him down to the 4th floor

and delivered the results of the path test! :)

Deb (7pm-7am ped-icu gal)

funny lady.

Eaaaaarly on Sunday morning, Spence had fallen into the deepest sleep he'd had his entire hospital stay. The nurses had to come in every 2 hours to check vitals and do a neuro exam on him (check his pupils, ask him some memory/awareness questions). Deb came in and abruptly woke Spence up and asked what his name was. Spence curtly answered, "Spencer Tuttle," then Deb asked, "Which hospital are you in," to which my smart-A$$ brother replied, "Same one as you." :D funny guy. After that, she left him alone (he passed :)

A good pic of his wicked scar

(looks a billion times better and a lot 

of hair is growing back already)

Bishop Cox and his counselors came back on Monday night to visit. While they were there, Bishop Cox informed my mom that a rumor was spreading around Green Valley High School that Spence was dying. Not too sure where the rumor stemmed from. Spence had posted a pic of him in the hospital bead on FB, but his caption had nothing to do with death...? We're chalking it up to dramatic...and I mean dramaaaaaaatic high schoolers. Anyway, I told Seriza the story and she laughed and decided to make a ghetto fab t-shirt in honor of Spence and his...very much alive state-of-being:

The roses. 

bahahaha

Tuesday: Spence got up to take a shower tuesday morning and, apparently, used scalding hot water. When he got out, he basically fainted onto my mom...and we thought he'd have to stay in the hospital longer. The nurses/dr just thought it was because the water was too hot and let the kid come home!!! :)

For his first meal back, us girls threw together

Hawaiian Haystacks and watermelon 

Spence reading one of his many pieces of fanmail.

Mom and dad met with the radiological oncologist on Thursday. The relief society president in our family ward is his assistant. She found out that we had a trip planned to Hawaii, so they set his treatment up so that he'll finish JUST in time to tag along :) 

His treatments start on Thursday and will involve 30 40min sessions of radiation tx (the 1st 17 on his head/spine...oh yeah, they found a little spot on his spine too that they're treating as a tumor, just to be safe; the last 13 will be directed at the tumor in his brain). He's expected to be kinda tired, maybe a little nauseated, maybe lose his appetite...and possibly some hair...but other than that, we're expecting a full/speedy/safe recovery for this little brat!

We've received a ton of support and it's been really cool to see how the immediate Tuttle-clan can come together and act/react in times of crises (I think we're pros). I'll try to keep a running log of his treatments (so we can look back and compare start-finish), but we'll see how that goes!

TTFN and sorry so long!